To be yourself in a world that is
constantly trying to make you something
else is the greatest accomplishment.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think its about time to be myself. For years I have been told, whether by myself or others, that there is something slightly wrong with me. “You're too shy! You need to get out there, talk more, socialize more, do more.” I have recently realized that this is a big fat lie. A lie that I have bought into for quite some time. The first liberating truth is that I am not shy, I am an introvert. And the second truth is that introversion is not less than extroversion. Now when I first told a friend that I was an introvert he didn't even know that there was a difference between shyness and introversion, he just thought they were synonyms. So here's a little clarification. Misconceptions about introversion are so pervasive that even looking it up in a dictionary will give you an inaccurate definition. In her book Introvert Power, Laurie Helgoe, PhD describes introversion as “an inward orientation to life, and extroversion is an outward orientation.”
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| Inaccurate definition... |
One of the many flaws in the basic dictionary definition is the statement that introverts are shy. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people want desperately to interact with the group but cant. Introverts can but don't want to. The second word in our dictionary definition, reticent, suggests that introverts don't reveal their thoughts or feelings readily. Introverts are thinkers. If you ask them a question you shouldn't expect an answer on the spot. They like to think things through and develop an opinion. Finally, the third and possibly most offensive part of the dictionary definition (ha ha, at least for this introvert) is the “typically a self centered person” part there at the end. This couldn't be more false. Introverts are extremely empathetic. They may think more about a friends thoughts and feelings that the friend does.
I'd say the main difference, between introverts and extroverts, is from where they each draw their energy and power. Lets look at the rest of Helgoe's explanation. “Though you probably use both introversion and extroversion, one of these orientations usually feels more like home - more comfortable, more interesting and more energizing - than the other. Introverts prefer introversion; we tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. Extroverts have the opposite preference; they tend to gain energy by interacting and expend energy while reflecting.”
In my attempts to convey my preference and love of solitude I once made the mistake of telling a friend “I don't like people.” which isn't true. I love people. There is nothing quite like having a nice long conversation with someone, exchanging ideas and sharing dreams. For me, the problem arises when there is a group of people, all seemingly competing to be the most clever, most heard of the group. There have been many times in such situations when I have been asked a question and I pause to think about it to be able to give an answer that will will fully represent my opinion on the topic, but then before I know it the person has moved on either to another question or by filling in an answer on my behalf. (I so dislike “mind readers”). Repeated experiences like these have led me to believe that most people don't really want to hear what I have to say. They just want to fill up the air with words and if I take to long to spit out a few, they are more than happy to oblige. Now, I know that extroverts aren't uncaring brutes and perhaps in the future I'll be able to help them understand the introvert way and give me time to answer, but in the meantime I'll just stick to socializing when I want to, how I want to and not worry so much anymore about what the extrovert world thinks I should be. Or I could move to Japan (the introvert yin to America's extrovert yang)...... but that's a blog for another day.
Check out the book by Laurie Helgoe I mentioned in this post.
